Are You Choosing Your Life — or Just Drifting Into It?

Have you ever looked around at your life and thought:

“Well… how did I get here?”

Not because everything is terrible. In fact, maybe your life looks pretty good from the outside.

But perhaps you didn't consciously choose quite as much of it as you think.

In this episode, I’m exploring intentional living — and why I think the phrase sounds a bit bloody “life-coachy”, but the idea behind it is actually really useful.

Because so much of our lives happens through habit.

We wake up. Check our phones. Work. Shop. Eat. Scroll. Repeat.

And nothing particularly terrible happens.

But how much of that day did we actually choose?

We look at how habits can quietly become decisions, why the default isn't necessarily what we want, and how small deliberate choices can make an ordinary life feel much more like your life.

I use one of the least glamorous examples imaginable — going to the supermarket — to show how intentionality can change everything from what you buy to how you spend your time, money and attention.

We also get into:

• why “autopilot” is a real feature of everyday behaviour
• the difference between a useful habit and a habit you've forgotten you can change
• what happens when we start imagining our future selves
• why looking backwards can sometimes keep us stuck
• the danger of making short-term decisions at the expense of future-you
• the “comfortable cage” of a successful career that isn't necessarily a rewarding life
• why success can sometimes keep us stuck
• the difference between intention and control
• and why you don't need to wait for a new year, a major life event or a five-year plan to start choosing differently

And, obviously, there are cats.

And bananas.

And an unnecessarily large box of crisps.

And quite a lot of Talking Heads.

Because music is part of how I make sense of the world — and Once in a Lifetime is a pretty perfect soundtrack for the question at the heart of this episode:

How did I get here?

Maybe intentional living isn't about controlling your life.

Maybe it's about becoming awake enough to notice that you're choosing it.

And sometimes, the most important choices aren't the big dramatic ones.

They're the ones you make on an ordinary Tuesday.

A question to take away

What are you doing because you consciously chose it — and what are you doing simply because that's what you do?

You don't have to change everything.

Just notice.

And then choose one thing.

Mentioned in this episode

Once in a Lifetime — Talking Heads
A recurring musical reference throughout the episode, particularly around the question: “How did I get here?”

How Habitual Is Everyday Life?
A 2025 ecological momentary assessment study exploring how frequently everyday behaviour is habitually initiated and executed.

Be Your Future Self Now — Benjamin Hardy
The book I reference when talking about the relationship between our past narratives, our present choices and the future we are creating.